am restless,
the energy is mis-guided,
the spirit is weak,
am not me,
the world is not it,
the coffee feels stale,
the headlines feel ancient,
the maid doesn't turn up,
the mornin seems like a star-less...moon-less night,
the sleep doesn't go away,

thoughts r missing clarity,
the zing has fizzled out,
the josh has lost out,
the smile is droopy,
bad seems worse,
worse seems ok,

i do this...but that happens,
i say this...but that vocalises out,
i step up...but sink down,
i stare ahead...but nothing registers,
i spring ahead...but lose my balance,
i luk around4friends...but nobody is there,
i luk arnd4enemies...but they r also missin,
i wnt2feel gud...but actually i feel nothing,
i wnt2bfull...but i seem empty,
i wnt2lead...but i simply tag along,
i wnt2b a spirit...but i feel my spirit has spirited away,
i wnt2shout wid joy...but i whimper instead,
i wnt2tk on the world...but i say 'some other day!'
i wnt2b the new 'hope'...but am lukin4 a feel-gud-factor myself,
i wnt2smile...but y is my smile upside down?
i wnt2twinkle like a star...but i feel so far-far-away-from-myself,
i wnt2pep up thingz...but they gt zapped out instead...
i refresh(F5) myself...but the Life-Server says "Page Not Found",
i want to subscribe to www.inspiration.com but they say v r full,

am missin myself...

nothing feels the same...
is it a Monday Again?

eyes r droopy...
legs r weary...
spirit is waning...
head is buzzing...
morale is in the pits...
fingers r twitching...
hands are shivering...
nerves are aching...
the capillaries close-in...
the heart slows down...
the guilt doesn't hurt anymore...
the cud-have-beens dont worry anymore...
the being is weak...
the coffee doesn't work any more...
the sleep has gone to sleep,leavin me all alone...
the various ills seem like old-buddies...
the phone-ring doesn't startle any more...
the bills don't worry anymore...
the vision blurs...
the gait shivers...
the hands shake...
the spring-in-the-step has rusted,long long ago...
the most annoying of all things,dont ruffle a feather anymore...
the eyes see, but dont register...
the ears hear, but dont listen...
the lips move, but dont speak...
the nose inhales, but doesn't breathe in...
the hands move, but dont strike...
the legs get up to move forward, but go backwards...
the page is open, but we don't read...
friends and strangers seem the same...
the soul is already resting...

me is tired...

i am not living...i lived!

Sometimes v have designs on life,
And sometimes life has designs on us…

some designs r gud...
sm r nt...

some r delibrate...
sm r nt...

some designs r imagined...
sm r nt...

some designs r appropiate...
sm r nt...

some designs r contrived...
sm r nt...

some designs r real
sm r nt...

some designs r designed
sm r nt...

some designs pass u by...
sm do nt...

some designs go awry...
sm do nt...

some designs jump at u...
sm tk their own sweet time...

some designs r confused...
sm have missile-radar technology in them...

some designs r absurd...
sm hit the Bull's Eye!

some designs u've an inklin of...
some designs try u…

sm r already tried…
sm surprise u...

some designs go roamin...
sm come straight home...

some designs get across...
sm bounce bak...

some designs r crippled...
sm r Goliaths...

some designs buckle u down...
sm make u a Man!

sm of them shake u...
sm of them make u...

a new darkness, an old darkness...

there exists some darkness in all our lives,
some are new,some are centuries old...
some are family, some are guests...
itz the new one that engulfs you in itz grips...

the old one is easy,
itz the new one that worries u...

the old one is history,
the new one is a mystery...

the old one has its own symptoms,
the new one slowly reveals itself...

the old one is like family,
the new one is a first-time guest...

the old one already has its time period clocked,
the new one will take its own sweet time ...

the old one just passes you by,
itz the new one that bothers u ...

the old one is an old old maid,
the new one is a virgin...

the old one lulls you to sleep,
itz the new one that keeps you awake...

the old one just goes away,
itz the new one that wills your willpower...

the old one doesn't miss a beat,
itz the new one that makes u get up n take notice...

the old one doesn't bat an eyelid,
itz the new one that forces decisions...

the old one is a family heirloom,
the new one is an in-thing piece...

the old one is brushed aside,
the new one is flaunted...

the old one is been-there-done-that,
the new one is new...

any answers???

the sun rises n sets...y doesnt the moon set?
y do sentences start wid a capital letter?
y do flowers wither?
y do lanes go places?
where do the rained-away-dead clouds go?
y is TV so boring?
y is the vegetation mute?
y do they say "married" or "happy" ?
y do v fall in love n rise in anger?
y do v gain fat n not brains?
v talk abt open minds,open spaces & open communication then y have walls inside our houses?
human body evolves as per our needs yet y dont we still have our ears pierced already at birth?
y do curtains ban the rays but allow the breeze?


y can't i sleep?
finally,
y do v have mornings?

i am ...
sleepy yet awake
sad but delightful
depressed yet smiling
ready to shop yet penniless
working yet vacationating
loving yet remourseful
erasing yet writing
listening yet speaking
bored yet happy
missing yet existing
learning yet deleting
composing yet editing
eating yet garnishing
dreaming yet working
driving yet lounging
sitting yet exercising
planning yet tasting success
postponing yet making it happen
spraying insecticide yet caring!
cutting flowers yet praying for longetivity
criticising yet admiring the spirit
laughing yet crying
making yet breaking it
picturing yet writing it
forgetting yet marninating it
going yet waiting
thoughtful yet heartless
worthy yet without it
deserving yet guilty

i am the dawn in the sunset...

unlearning.com

after years of cruising on my scooty am finally seriously learning to drive a car these days from a distinguished place "Maruti Driving School"...yeah the car manufacturers have an in-house driving school also replete with all the modern day amenities...AC cars and AC classrooms(yeah they have 7 hours of theory...complete with a theory exam too)...Vending Machines(naah! naah not in the cars)...Simulators Vechicles(am i learning how to drive a car or a MIG-II? )
anyways the unexpected luxuries in the school are not the point of concern...what worries me is something entirely akin to it...
i have been driving my scooty for close to a decade now in almost all types of situations right from my Lucknow college days to the lovely Bangalore roads(that in my belief provide u with a simulation of the roads on the moon!) so i'm a confident old pro on the roads...i drive pretty well actually...i can juggle with a smile the bangalore office rush and also negotiate out of mirage-image of a road...u get the picture now?
i drive the practical way...these guys are teaching me the ideal way...which way do i go?or rather which way will the traffic on the road force me to follow...this is my concern...i will give u an example...
one day in the theory class we learnt about the Right of Way and who should accord the respect to whom when the Major and the Service Roads are in question...The Rule Book says that anybody coming from a service road onto a major road should give the Right of Way to the person who is already on the Major road...coincidentally the day i learnt this i was faced with the same situation...i was driving my scooty and entering the Major road from a Service road...there was a car already on the major road so i slowed down and thought 'oh! this guy is on the major n i am JUST comin onto the major...dude u get ur Right of Way' so i braked and stopped and waited for the guy to pass...
whereas that guy did exactly the same with maybe his thoughts as 'oh! what a luvly lass in black...gal u get ur Right of Way' and he settled deep into his driver's seat to savour the 6seconds more that he got when we both were giving each other the way...naah naah we dint stand there for infinity...meanwhile a BPO cabbie arrived...smart chap took advantage of the impasse between us and zoomed off...my ideal driving and reverie of thoughts regarding the right of way was broken and i followed suit...
with each and every theory class i am learning the ideal way to drive and my confidence(driving) of yore takes a sharp beating...numerous incidents happen everyday when i find that going by the ideal way i just hold the traffic and get loads of smart one-liners on lady drivers...
after 3 theory classes and some kilometres on the road i was all ready to unlearn whatever i had learnt to keep my confidence on the road and shaky hands in check...

so is Ideal driving or the confident practical driving of mine the correct way?

a new beginning

a new start

a new dawn

a new path

a new day

a new ray

a new hope

a new care

a new glint

a new view

a new star

a new horizon

a new thought

a new burst

a new gust

a new gaze

a new way

a new welcome

a new bye

a new idea

a new touch

a new wish

a new new

a new you

a new blog :)